


The Ledge

by Mahozahamy_Arisugawa



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Serious Injuries, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25054825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mahozahamy_Arisugawa/pseuds/Mahozahamy_Arisugawa
Summary: In his last moments Orihara Izaya never imagined that the vague uneasiness would turn into terror. That his eternally one-sided love would dissolve in the certainty of loneliness. Of non-existence.Making his whole existence null. Insignificant.He was a God.But even gods can be forgotten.This is the pain and sorrow of a lonely man who had forgotten his own mortality.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	The Ledge

Breathing was getting difficult, and he couldn't get up. There was pain. A pain that went beyond any other he had ever felt in his life.

An unbearable, excruciating pain mixed with something else.

Fear.

He was terrified, in panic.

Because he was dying.

Really dying...

It couldn't be.

Orihara Izaya. The God of Ikebukuro. At the gates of death.

He had expected this to happen, sooner or later, more or less. He had toyed immensely with the idea of his own death.

It was all theoretical, though. He would never have thought that the moment of his death was going to be something like _this_.

He was not going to make it. His damn cell phone was destroyed. Wasn't that why the fucking fight had started?

Now it's pieces were scattered all across the pavement.

He thought for a moment of all the photographs he had lost. Trophies.

Each and every one of them a different depiction of Shizu-chan's suffering face.

A pity...

Despite himself he smiled, the effort made him pant, and he spat out some blood.

He... had wanted this all his life.

Dying in a unknown alley like a stray animal. And now that it was really happening the only thing he could feel was fear.

Izaya was a God.

(A monster)

Who loved all human beings equally...

(Who had made them all into his playthings)

Humans were so unique. Despicable, and so altruistic... Merciful, and then incredible cruel. Predictable, but fun. He loved them all very much.

Oh yes he loved them all with every drop of passion in his little black heart. He wanted to see what they truly were capable off.

Irreparable destruction. Brutality. Mixed it all with a touch of redemption. Humans were the ultimate entertainment.

He wanted to destroy them just as much as he wanted to destroy himself.

Well he was lying of course. He loved himself.

Lies were fun. And useful. They created chaos and confusion, affected perception, and in some critical cases they could mean the difference between life and death.

Human psyche was a complex, delicate contraption, a double edged sword... so playing with it always implied a certain amount of danger...

... Being vulnerable was not like him. Izaya was not compassionate one, either... he always loved a good revenge.

He trembled, his body was starting to turn cold by the loss of blood...

Numbness... Pain.

Fear.

Irrational, impending sense of doom. Izaya was no god. He was just a weak, morbid human being. Scared. Lonely.

And so, so hurt.

Broken in a way that made no sense. Frail in the worst possible way. The human one.

He made himself loved, needed by others with such desperation such devotion... That it made him forget his own wounds, his loneliness.

Creating trouble and breaking toys whenever he went to sate his crave for conflict.

For chaos.

The roar of the board on fire was the offering, the sacrifice meant to please him.

Why was he wasting his last minutes thinking about this? He should be fighting to survive.

Halfway crawling, he started to move forward pressing hard his hand against the stab of his belly to prevent more bleeding. The pain shoot over his body like a bolt, Izaya cursed. 

A crooked smile spread on his face, the damn cowardly worms had already fled the scene.

Leaving large drops of blood as he advanced, enduring the maddening pain as much as he could, Izaya took a few hesitant steps, then stopped. 

Grunting. 

It was senseless, there was no way he could walk anymore. He clung to a half twisted post of streetlight, on a last, desperate attempt to save himself, but there was no use this was as far as he was going to get.

He clung his body to the cold metal as tears began to spill. It was fury. It was hate.

A hatred that ran so deep in his blood, that it escaped from his body with it. It was more than hate. It was poison.

Perhaps this hatred was going to be his last feeling. And... If the legends were true, his hatred would forever curse that place.

His crooked smile was back, slightly disturbing on his face now white as paper.

If he could, he would laugh out loud.

He didn't believed in ghosts, curses or legends. Those were for people. Superstition. Typical of his beautiful, cute human beings.

But this was a good a time as any to start believing, wasn't it?

His moment of death.

Death... was going to be the end. But if he was going to have an ultimate feeling, hatred seemed the most appropriate.

While it was... disheartening that those to whom his death was dedicated to could not see him.

Too bad.

But nothing could be done.

As he tried to control the desire to laugh bubbling inside him, Izaya accidentally slipped the long fingers of his hands across the surface of the post.

There were dents there.

Izaya felt fear, and sadness stabbing his heart again. Death was turning out to be... terrifying.

He was trying really hard not to panic, but it was useless. His death was going to be like the one of any other.

Just as he had said to that silly girl. Magenta-san, he still remembered her perfectly. A good example of self pity and mediocrity.

He was hoping to see her commit suicide, it would have been really fun to see it... unfortunately Celty decided to be the last acquisition of the justice league and prevented it. 

A shame, but in its own way that unexpected outcome had been quite interesting too.

Now it was his turn to become a stain on the pavement.

It didn't mattered at all the fact that he had been the God of this people. A stain. That would be his form from now on.

That... and hate.

... His death would certainly cause riots in the city. Beautiful, bloody riots that may brought deaths themselves.

But in the end another would take his place. His throne. He was going to be forgotten.

He was going to die like this.

Alone.

Well... Hadn't he always been?

... Izaya hugged the lamp street desperately when he felt his breathing getting cut for a long moment, something inside his body was blocking the air...

Until finally, he coughed, and his lungs burned with an agonizing pain as the air went in...

There was definitely something wrong with his lungs.

Could it be a blood clot? A broken rib have pierced them?

His vision was blurred now.

The indentations in the metal were deep. It was truly incredible that the lamp still stood.

Izaya plunged her own fingers into those marks. They were huge. There was no question of who did them...

Shizu-chan...

He knew the lamp had been twisted by Shizuo's fingers.

This street was one of his favorites to disturb the great beast of Ikebukuro. They had fought here countless times here in the past.

Street lighting was always under repair here, not to mention all the road signs that were often torn off and had to be replaced.

... By remembering that, by hearing in his memory Shizuo's annoying voice growling at him, he felt better. 

Less afraid.

What would it feel like to hold Shizu-chan's hands like this, without the fear of being destroyed? Would the great beast have ever caressed someone?

He knew he was rambling but it hardly mattered. In the final moments nothing mattered anymore. He was going to take that, hold on to it until the fear was gone, until the pain was erased by the words, the fun, the games ...

"I-zaya-kun ... Let's plaaayy"

They always played. Even though their games were suicidal the two of them were strong enough, and Izaya enjoyed them immensely...

Sometimes Shizu-chan looked like his closest friend.

The only one who could play his brutal games and not dying. The beast was always hurt, but he never, never gave up.

Shizu-chan was magnificent. And a nuisance like no other.

Why couldn't they have been on the same side? If only Shizu-chan could be less decent.

Less disgusted with the way he manipulated those cute human beings.

It was impossible in any case. Izaya always played alone. He had no friends.

And Shizu-chan was only the enemy he should keep within range.

Izaya couldn't kill him, but he loved taking the enormous risk of provoking him. He loved enraging the monster.

He loved to have Shizu-chan's constant, undivided attention. Why had he gone to Shinjiku then?

Well, that really was nothing special.

He had moved away because Shizu-chan was distracting him too much. The time came when they fought each day, and then several times a day. Shizu-chan had lost hundreds of jobs because of him, and in return he had lost some important business, valuable sources of information and some clients for the sake of dedicating himself full time to screw up the life of his beloved enemy.

It was addicting.

But he knew he had to stop. 

He went away, leaving an unforgettable memory as a farewell. The contorted face of Shizuo, his raged scream of a wounded beast...

It had been magnificent. A triumphant farewell. Enough to help him smile in his dire times.

Shizu-chan left him alone most of the time when he went to Shinjiku, which felt a little disappointing. But Izaya never forgot the thrill, and of course made occasional, cordial, visits to see him.

The beast didn't went out that much anymore.

It was mostly boring without the dread of dying at any moment. Sometimes however Shizuo caught him. And then there was fire. Izaya manic laugh filled the alleys, as Shizu-chan chased him down.

Hunting him. 

Once or twice Izaya found Shizuo in his territory, snooping.

Some altercations, and lowlife debtors.

Nothing of importance.

Such was life for them as of now.

His decision to return to Ikebukuro had one reason only. Ryuugamine Mikado

... Ah, that boy was really a fool. The glimmer in his eyes so perfect... so innocent. Perfect to be manipulated.

Izaya loved him with all his heart.

He wanted so much to make him his new toy! He would loved to see him slowly sink into darkness.

But now...

His death. There was no way to escape of the pressing reality. The brutal, crude pain was there, pulsing, a reminder that life was escaping him.

And he could do nothing.

If only Shizu-chan could be here now, in his last moment...

Who would end up inheriting the city? Would Shizu-chan take his throne?

Shinra? Celty? Simon? Could he do something to set it up?

He couldn't do a thing without a damn phone.

Feeling tired he let his body slide.

... An unbearable weight seemed to cling from his shoulders, pressing him down.

Izaya was incapable of fighting it anymore.

So he closed his eyes. He imagined that those marks were really Shizuo's hands, he imagined it clearly and clung to that image. The burning skin of his cheek made contact with the cold metal and he felt some relief.

He was doing it, the pain was receding. Fear was being replaced by the clear image of these hands. Izaya was already dreaming of his and Shizu-chan's insane plays, inadvertently wishing for a different ending, a life worth living.

Just for his own.

"I'm scared, Shizu-chan..." He confessed in a broken almost silent whisper without even realizing it, clinging with what little strength he had left to the marks on the metal. Searching for something that he would never find there.

It was a very sad image.

"You, afraid, damn flea? What a fucking joke, parasites like you don't know what fear is" Shizuo replied "What the fuck are you doing in Ikebukuro fucking pest? I warned you didn't I? What are you planning? Eh? I-zaya-kun..."

Izaya surprised himself. Yes, surely Shizu-chan would say something like that. It would be so nice if he was really here.

But how could it be? It was past midnight, Shizu-chan should be sleeping.

Also, if Shizu-chan was really around and found him, he should be already dead. He had no way to escape. Or evade.

He could not fight back...

Izaya opened his eyes as wide as he could, and the only thing he could see was the black shiny shoes of the beast in his increasingly blurred vision.

His wish had been granted.

Maybe there was such a thing as a God after all. Or not. Izaya didn't believed in any God. Nor in life after death.

This was a coincidence, possibly.

Or fate.

His desire to laugh was back. This time he was screwed.

"Hey, Izaya, fucker, move your ass and get out of Ikebukuro!"

It really was Shizu-chan.

Too bad he couldn't answer him, he no longer had the strength to talk. It would be so easy to make the beast finish the kill.

He had enough of this, if he was going to die, he wanted it to be now.

Who better than Shizu-chan to kill him? Since the beast was there, Izaya was going to give him his throne.

The beast roar already sounded more than angry, maybe he didn't need to say anything at all.

"I'm going to kill you, you fucking wretch" Shizuo said breaking his cigarette in half, throwing it on the floor. 

Looking fed up already.

Izaya closed his eyes and prepared to die.

◂ ❚ ⊱ꕥ⊰ ❚ ▸

The tall blonde took the road sign next to him with the ease a normal person could pluck a weed, rage and fury burning within him. 

He picked up momentum and... "stop" his brain screamed. It was not a suggestion, it was an order.

"Stop your dumb self right now"

Tightening the grip on the signal he desperately tried to back away.

Something was not right at all...

The metal piece fell to the ground with a loud crash, split into two pieces.

And Shizuo felt relieved and surprised for a moment with his ability to stop, just as he had wanted, although perhaps he had hurt something in body during the process.

He was panting and the tinted glasses were on the tip of his nose...

When he looked at his opponent he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Izaya... the damn bastard, was covered in blood.

 _His own blood_.

The red liquid gleamed in the light of the street lamp. From a distance he had not been able to notice it. It had just rained.

He thought they were just puddles...

But the stench... was making him sick. Izaya's smell...

What in hell he did to end up... this.

"You screwed up this time eh, Izaya-kun" He managed to spit out.

"Shi-Shi ... zu-chan...? Hey..." Izaya whispered.

His fake smile as cute as ever. Shizuo felt disgust, the smile was especially horrible because the bastard was pale as a corpse. Bathed in his own blood.

Fuck.

Shizuo's temper had never been normal. He was... starting to lose patience. His hands trembled with anger. The damn bastard still had the fucking nerve to still nag him.

Being almost dead.

Why the fuck was he alone? Why he didn't called Celty? Why the fucker was not at Shinra's place?!

He wanted a smoke.

Looking at the back of the alley he felt something akin to a shiver running down his spine.

... He had never been afraid of anything, never, of _anything_. 

But right now he was petrified, he didn't know why or how... he already knew that the damn flea was resistant, but this...

He saw a bloody plank with nails crudely attached to it... broken bottles... one twisted pipe... 

And... Izaya's cell phone, or rather the useless remains of what was once an expensive rental equipment thrown all over the alley. He could recognize the damned thing anywhere since the fucking bastard had the hobby of taking photographs of him in his worst moments...

There was blood everywhere...

Its penetrating smell could only belong to the parasite that was dying like a dog in the middle of the street.

So...

An ambush?

The blood of the Ikebukuro monster was about to explode.

Who would have done this to the damned flea? He wanted to shake him, yell at him, and beat him out for being so stupid.

Then he would go after the bastards and mash them.

Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill ... Ki-...

His feet were ready. His blood was already boiling.

But he held himself back, clenching his fists so hard he drawn blood.

The flea needed urgent medical attention, he had to call Celty right now.

He started rummaging through his pockets trying to keep himself calm, he took out the empty pack of cigarettes, crushing it with his sudden urgency, discarded it, right there on the street, then took out some candy wrappers, a chewing gum, a lighter, the discount flyer of Russian sushi... a packet of mints, a note from Tom, some yen... 

A... grape?

Where in the damn hell was his fucking phone!

He keep searching, every second a little more desperate, and then the fucking shitty gadget finally appeared in the bottom of his left pocket. He didn't even thought what he was going to say. 

If he keep waiting he was going to screwed up.

He called Celty.

And waited.

She could not speak back to him but he told her the street they were on.

He said it was Izaya, and it was an emergency, something really serious.

She hung up and returned a message.

"I'm close, 5 minutes, call Shinra"

Shizuo didn't know if the damn flea had the fucking five minutes or not, but there was no option. He dialed Shinra.

"Hello" the answering machine jumped "you are calling the love nest of the best private doctor in Ikebukuro, don't worry we made no questions ... Leave us your message and we will attend shortly.... If it is a package or a delivery contact my beautiful soon to be wife..." - _ **beep-**_

"OI SHINRA! I KNOW YOU'RE THERE" the beast roared and immediately someone picked up the phone.

"Calm down, calm down" Shinra replied the sleep very evident on his voice "You're going to break the speaker. What's wrong Shizuo, do you know what time is...? wait... are you hurt?"

"Not me, Izaya, the fucking flea is about to die... "

"Eh?" The doctor's mind was completely asleep. He believed he was dreaming. He couldn't understand anything.

Izaya was hurt... that one he could grasp... but why was Shizuo calling him? Had he hit him?

What was this?

"SHINRA!"

"What?"

"I need you to come here... it's really bad, he can't be moved"

"Tell me where you are"

Shizuo told him and with a serious expression cut the call.

_"10 minutes."  
_

FUCK. IZAYA WAS DYING!! He wanted to punch something. Someone...

Instead he crouched next to the damn parasite.

"Listen, damn flea, you have to resist, did you hear? I'm going to be the one to kill you. You cannot die for this."

Izaya's head moved a little, but it was clear that he did not hear a thing of what Shizuo was saying to him.

Then the blonde's eyes focused on the street lamp that Izaya was still holding.

He realized that it was one that he had squeezed himself in the chase of a few days ago, the one that he had not teared away in the end because he lost the bastard from sight and Tom demanded him to return to work.

The damn parasite was holding the metal just over where his fingers had left dents on the metal.

Shizuo didn't know why, but seeing that made him feel miserable.

It was clear Izaya had been holding on to his hands while dying like the rat that he was in this alley.

He moved with whatever force he had left just to hold a hand that was not there.

It instantly made him feel like shit.

Fuck.

This was one of those things that when you know them you cannot stop knowing them.

Was Izaya afraid of dying alone?

So afraid that he clung to something, anything, just to feel less alone? 

Izaya, the damned flea, the fucking parasite that lived only to relish in everybody's misery...

Clutching the dents of his hands...

Shizuo felt miserable.

He had always considered Izaya a fucker, but he never wondered why the flea ended up like this.

In his mind, it was just a natural progression... It never occurred to him that Izaya's delusions of grandeur, his disgustingly cute and positive, childish attitude were just a smoke screen that hid something worse... like this kind of loneliness.

A kind of loneliness that he himself felt.

What would Shizuo have done if he were in Izaya's place? If he were about to die, would he also be afraid? Who would he think off before death?

Maybe his brother, and his parents.... all the things he regretted ...

Izaya... had family... he knew about his sisters... 

But he had no friends. 

Everybody was in debt to him... or hated him... he had a lot of enemies and a lot of people afraid of him...

He had truly no one...

But him.

Izaya... just had... him.

They were no friends...

He didn't imagine how could he be important to the unfortunate bastard who fucked him whenever he could. Just because he could.

Izaya had no way of knowing that Shizuo would be passing by this late after a botched work and a confrontation with the police.

The sad bastard looked almost comatose.

"You are the only one who does not react as I want～" Chirped Izaya's voice in his head... "You never do what I expect"

Those were things the bastard told him often.

He had never thought of them beyond what he had believed they were. Provocations and nothing more... But in certain way he was the only one Izaya considered an equal. The only one Izaya fought with personally. 

So in the end the bastard was just an overly territorial cat.

He laughed bitterly.

Yes, the fucking 'Izaya-kun' could well be that.

And shit. Izaya was a fucking flea, a parasite that sucked the blood of others and get pleasure from it.

Elusive and disgustingly small.

He hid in the most unreachable places, where he could cause the greatest discomfort, where no one could catch him.

"That's why I call you a dog Shizu-chan～" There was the voice again. It was something Izaya told him so often... and yet.

Was he finally going insane?

Shizuo realized that he couldn't bear Izaya's death... if the fucking bastard died... How the hell would he face this insane world without the goal of murdering him?

The tall blonde realized that he too perhaps was somewhat empty.

Maybe... he just...

Trying to no screw things even more, he ripped off as carefully as possible for him the hands Izaya was using to clung to life and memories, wrapping them between his, they were more than cold, they were ice floes.

"I'm here you bastard" he said "You can't die on me, if you dare to do, I swear I'll follow you to the fucking hell just to make you pay for this..."

But his words were just that. Words. Because in reality his hands were trembling with anger and fear.

Shizuo didn't want him to die.

He wanted to curse everything, do something, anything but he couldn't do a single thing. 

Izaya was there, dying while holding his hands.

Shizuo was taken aback when a really strong grip made his hands hurt. 

Izaya was squeezing so hard that it hurt. IT. HURT. _HIM..._ That was not possible... the flea should not had the strength...

What happened to him? Was he feeling pain? Was his time running out?

Damn everything in the world.

Heart pounding, Shizuo got as close to Izaya as he could without releasing his hands, trying to figure out what he could do ...

"Shi... zu-chan" Izaya whispered with his eyes closed and a painful grimace. More blood slipped from his lips as he spoke, Shizuo was like made of stone, Izaya coughed and a drop of blood stained Shizuo's white dress shirt "I'm ... d-yin..g"

'No' Shizuo thought. 'Don't say it'

He already knew that the fucking bastard was dying, this was the most serious thing Izaya had suffered ever.

Why didn't this bastard saved his strength?

"I... w-an...t... ... s...tay..."

'Shut up... shut up you bastard' Shizuo wanted to yell him 'Save your strength you idiot. We can talk later I will listen to whatever thing you want later... but save yourself, resist, _please, don't fucking die'_

Petrified Shizuo couldn't say anything...

"I'm- ... no...t g-oing... wi-th... out, s-ay...ing you..." Determined to do as he pleased until his last moment, Izaya gathered all the strength he had left.

To hell with everything. He was going to do it. His last act of selfishness on earth.

Shizuo could think whatever the hell he wanted from this...

In addition to his blood, his hatred that will curse this place forever, Izaya wanted one last memory of Shizu-chan. 

He didn't wanted just the warmth of his hands, or his presence. He was greedy.

And he wanted this, something that could accompany him forever in the unknown.

Swiftly he released Shizuo's right hand and grabbed the monster's neck pulling him down.

Closer.

He squeezed so hard that he left prints of his fingers on the sensitive skin.

As soon as Shizuo made a small gasp of pain, Izaya seized his lips, biting them softly and eagerly invading the interior.

Finding no resistance.

The blood in his tongue diluted, mixing itself with Shizuo's saliva... Izaya smirked... Perhaps Shizuo's body too was going to be forever haunted by the poison of his blood.

... A few more seconds. Of pure shock. 

More seconds of absolute, delicious immobility.

For once he had managed to surprise the great beast of Ikebukuro.

It was disappointing this was going to be the last...

◂ ❚ ⊱ꕥ⊰ ❚ ▸

Shizuo was somewhere uncertain, between a nightmare and dream, he was not sure which.

None of that mattered though... There was no sense anymore in the world. 

Izaya's kiss had been so unexpected, so absurd... he couldn't do a thing.

He felt the bite of the flea... and a second later there was the metallic flavor of his blood on his tongue...

It should make him gag...

But weirdly... it didn't.

Still floating between bizarre thoughts Shizou surrounded Izaya's body with his arms, awkwardly returning the kiss.

His brain drugged with sensations he didn't knew how to describe, he stopped thinking at all.

Izaya was all he wanted.

◂ ❚ ⊱ꕥ⊰ ❚ ▸

Izaya stopped feeling fear. His last act of daring, his last act of selfishness had been something he had wanted to do, just like always.

But... this, as everything when Shizuo was involved...

Didn't went as expected.

He wanted his selfishness to be his end. His daring to be his epitaph... The beast was stunned... but was not murdering him...

Instead Shizu-chan was clumsily... kissing him back...

Izaya could feel the warmth of the arms encircling him... he could _hear_ the powerful beating of Shizuo's heart...

His strength... his life...

So close...

Trembling hands grabbing his...

Enough.

It was enough. Izaya thought. This... was sufficient. Now, he had his memory, the only act of love he was willing to endure.

A gift.

To the journey...

A little something so bear the loneliness.

His hands were so rigid it took him minutes taking off the silver rings from his fingers.

Shizuo was looking intently at him... but didn't said anything...

Pressing the rings inside Shizuo's palms he whispered "K... eep t-hem..." Shizuo shocked face told him everything...

Orihara from Shinjiku smiled one last time.

A second later his body went limp on Shizuo's arms.

◂ ❚ ⊱ꕥ⊰ ❚ ▸

Shizuo was standing on the roof of a building typing a short mail on his phone then checking the damn chat forums. It was maddening.

Pure fucking madness.

Three long months without the damn flea.

Ikebukuro was still burning with rumors that Izaya was dead.

... No one believed it at first.

And even now the most ridiculous theories circulated around trying to rationalize the absence of the Puppet Master that ruled the city.

Lately rumors were getting out of hand.

'Kanra-chan' a famous internet personality seemed to have the best 'second hand' info.

A grimace of disgust twisted Shizuo's face as he closed the bright hideous pink cell phone in his hand tightly. 

_'You, a girl? Why?' He had barked at Izaya's smug face.  
_

_'A girl is more trustworthy～ plus all the boys pay a little more attention to me～'_ The bastard had told him shamelessly. _  
_

Clenching a fist he tried really hard to forget the stupid, repulsive wink Izaya did to pair his acting with.

 _Kanra-chan_ was Izaya's damned identity on the local a chat.

Just one of the multiple shady things the bastard did just to amuse himself.

Fuck it.

This was more than any sane person could bear. The fucking flea better recover soon, or he was going to tell everyone he was recovering from a beating he had given to him. Trying to not crush the new cell phone by accident he placed it in his pocket.

Why the fucking flea had asked _him_ to buy him a new cell phone?

How in hell Izaya decided using _his_ phone in the meantime was acceptable?

What was _he_ thinking when he agreed to it? Shizuo wanted to punch himself...

Looking down at the chain that hold his wallet he saw Izaya's silver rings. 

... Still there.

Of course he had wanted to return the damned things once Izaya opened his eyes for the first time after a week of being in intensive care.

Those days of waiting were ones of the most screwed-up from his whole life. Full anxiety and doubts... His mind jumping endlessly from three things in circle, over and over. Constantly asking why was he here waiting for the damn flea to wake up. 

From there his mind always asked why didn't Celty or Shinra had asked him yet what happened or why was he there...

Then his mind jumped to be petrified at the thought that Izaya might never wake up...

Shizuo was eating a cup of salty ramen one day when Shinra sat up next to him, pouring hot water on another cup, looking completely exhausted and told him that there was a good chance Izaya would live.

Touching the rings absentmindedly his thoughts were always the same... That damned flea was really small.

And frail.

Izaya was human. Despite his twisted nature of a blood-drinking flea.

Human. And all that implied. Izaya could die. He was never going to lose sight of that. Never.

It was a promise.

Shizuo let the golden light of the sunset shine upon him, and the city... receiving that promise.

◂ ❚ ⊱ꕥ⊰ ❚ ▸

Feeling more tired than ever in his whole life Izaya rested on the bed as if a ton of bricks were on his chest, crushing him.

He remembered.

Ninety days since the ambush. 

And he was counting the days until he will be able to go out again. He was immensely bored, but having Shizu-chan as a nurse...

... Had its advantages.

Shizu-chan... had been there from the beginning. Shinra told him with a concerned voice that the tall blonde had not left his side at at all...

... It was... different, seeing him for the first time again once was alert enough to actually say something. 

Shizu-chan looked even more distraught than him... Izaya noticed the dark lines under his eyes...

They talked...

Izaya asked Shizu-chan if he could bring him all the information he needed to continue working from his office in Shinjiku.

Of course gangs had dismantled it when it was believed he was dead.

And found nothing.

His title as best informant was not for nothing. He had been cautious enough to keep valuable information, contacts and clients all protected and backed up.

The tall blonde looked at him as if Izaya had gone crazy...

But still went to retrieve it.

Izaya had immense fun teasing Shizuo all those days. The blonde even had brought him some food one time. Apparently Shinra was cooking and Shizuo was learning out of boredom.

Or so he told...

Shinra and Celty were having fun teasing Shizuo too, or so it seemed...

... He had almost died.

Well... he had actually died for a few minutes, according to Shinra.

And ended up coming back. He still had no reason for it, no answer.

Being saved by an enemy is a major humiliation of course, but in this case things were even worse because his enemy was precisely Shizu-chan.

The same one he had clung to in the absolute terror of his last moments, the one who had given everything to, whom he hated... and...

Liked... surprisingly.

He had given Shizu-chan a part of himself in that kiss...they both knew it.

And the damn beast flaunted about it each time. It was a joke, a "lame joke with no fun" like sometimes Shizuo told. 

His beloved beast had no intention to make fun of it. And Izaya knew it. Shizuo was just trying to make sense of it in any way he could...

... Just like he was.

What would happen from now on?

They both had become something different that night.

Of course, they could continue to play enemies as much as they wanted.

But Shizu-chan had smashed a barrier that Izaya cannot rebuild, even if he tried the tall blonde would stay there forever.

No one had ever seen Izaya as he was, no one, except Shizuo. And he hadn't run away, the beast hadn't escaped as he expected, horrified to see his fragile, weak, human nature.

Despite clamoring to the winds how much he hated him...

Shizu-chan didn't mocked him mocked either, he... stayed.

Taking Izaya's hands on his once again, and not even giving a reason for it.

Not that he needed one...

Somewhere along this mess they became two parts of a thing that made no sense.

Like his life...

He had lived with the intention of dying.

What he was going to do now?

◂ ❚ ⊱ꕥ⊰ ❚ ▸

On his last day of confinement. One hundred days after the ambush Shinra gave Izaya permission to go out to the roof of the building.

Shizuo raised from his chair in silence, determined to follow, which surprised Izaya. 

Celty gave them two million recommendations mainly regarding to not fighting. 

Izaya told her it will happen what have to happen. She hit him with a paper clip.

Shinra demanded absolutely no physical effort. Shizu-chan assured that he was aware and in charge.

Izaya joked, but none of them actually laughed.

◂ ❚ ⊱ꕥ⊰ ❚ ▸

The elevator was slow, very slow, and the ride seemed endless. Izaya felt bad, he looked very weak and pale. There had been an annoying and persistent anemia he had been dragging for a while, Shinra hoped would heal with enough time, sun, exercise and proper diet.

It took a couple of blood transfusions and a lot of supplements to get back at least some of the blood he had lost. Izaya walked slowly but now he could stand on his own. From Shinra's prognosis it would take at least six more months for him to fully recover.

For now it was enough to just get out of the bed. Feel the breeze... and hear first-hand the noise his beloved humans made, far away, in the city.

He wanted to get back into the game. He longed to play with his precious toys from which he had been cruelly removed.

But he still didn't know how things would be from now on.

He did not imagine how he would face Shizu-chan when so many things had changed.

... Izaya had a plan. Or something like that. He wanted Shizu-chan to be on his side.

He had always wanted it, but now...

As the gates opened, in hesitant steps that still somehow evidenced his years of agility Izaya went to the edge, promptly climbing the railing and opening his arms... enjoying the height and...

Looking absolutely demented... suicidal.

A vein on Shizuo's forehead began to throb.

Kill. Kill. Kill.

"Get the fuck out of there damn flea, do you want to die?!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

Izaya turned around, lowering his arms, but he didn't went down. His face was horribly serious.

Then an insane smile split his face.

"If I jump will you save me?"

"Tch" Shizuo moved to the edge close to Izaya, because he wanted, not because he was worried or anything in particular. "Of course not"

"You're lying"

"Leave me alone, fucker"

"You're so cute Shizu-chan, now come with me" Izaya told crouching down to pull Shizuo by the hand.

It was impossible for a convalescent Izaya to move Shizou.

Still the tall blonde decided to humor him and climbed the railing next to him. 

The view was truly something special.

"Hey Shizu-chan, let's jump together" Izaya told after a while of comfortable silence.

"Are you insane? Who told you I want to die with you?"

"But I do want to die with you, Shizu-chan" Izaya told with that absurd way of speaking of his.

The blonde didn't know if he was nauseated or amused.

"Is that so?" Shizuo asked looking away in the distance, trying by all means to not look at Izaya "Then I'll go. When you're ready take my hand, I'll really jump with you"

Izaya, remained silent, completely shook by the words. Shizu-chan was really a species of his own. There was absolutely no way to categorize him.

Lowering his eyes he looked at their feet, hoping his now irritatingly long hair hid him from his beloved beast stare. 

Perfectly calculating his movements, he approached Shizuo carefully, and in one movement he hugged his arm tightly.

"I am afraid of dying, Shizu-chan. But if it's with you, then it's fine"... Then he jumped... 

Pushing Shizuo...

... To the opposite side.

Shizuo's back hit the rooftop floor harshly as he fell in all his length, a smiling Izaya sitting over him. Shizuo didn't say a thing, instead pulled Izaya's jacket and wrapped him with his arms. The blonde already had the answer he had been looking for.

Izaya was completely insane. Mad. Barking mad.

But that madman was now somehow part of what he was.

A part he understood.

In a way that he couldn't explain for sure yet. Just feel. Izaya had truly given him everything that night... he had really expected to die...

Now they had another chance... And he wanted to teach Izaya what exactly life was.

He wanted to learn who Izaya really was behind his million masks...

Personally he had no idea what they would do, where they will go from now on.

But he was sure they could find it out. Their meaning. Their way... 

And then when the end came, when the shinigami really appeared before them. He was sure they would both be side by side on that ledge.

Then... and only then, they will jump into the unknown...

Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for taking the time to read it. Hope you liked it. 
> 
> Un-betaed. All errors are my own. 
> 
> See you in another work.


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